If you're not the one, you're the Prototype. *2011 edition*

Even though I’m only 10 months into it, dating post undergrad is a scary scene. Not that it’s more difficult (it’s actually quite a bit easier), it’s just the pressure of the situation now. There are no for play-play relationships after graduation. It gets real, quick. Being in a relationship post graduation takes on an entirely new meanin. The dynamics of attraction have changed. Back in undergrad there were a lot more superficial reason’s to date people. Needless to say, a lot of that disappears upon graduation.


I don’t wanna get to far away from my intentions for writing this. Back when I was a sophomore I made this childish facebook album (Link) about my prototypical girl. Looking back I admit it was immature, especially how superficial it was. While the content of the album was childish I do not disagree with having a set of standards/expectations. I’m going to try to re-examine mine from a more mature stance for my 2011 edition. To stick with the mature theme, I’m going to try to stray away from physical attributes as much as possible. Here we go;

1) Class

A lot of people like to say education, I disagree. There is a big difference between the two. There are a lot of educated women who lack the basics of class. There is a social education process, which has a lot to do with what you are exposed to, that is extremely valuable as well. A lack of class is the easiest way for an educated person to come across as ignorant. As you grow and mature you begin to value being around cultivated and tasteful people, and that extends to choosing a partner.

2) Achievements so far.

A lot of females like to say they want a dude with goals. That’s all fine and good, but plenty of people go broke betting on potential. I know we are all young adults and have plenty room to grow and mature. With that said by the time we graduate undergrad there is a certain amount of things you should have in order for your stated “goals” to hold value.

3) Respectable Track Record

With this I don’t mean your sex number. I’m over that. What I mean is the kind of dudes you have been associated with. You could be one of the most put together girls around but we always see your always associated with some ain’t shit dude, it’s a turn off. Females don’t realize how much attention we really pay to the quality of dudes you’ve allowed yourself to be associated with. There have been females who have had it all but I’ve been turned off because I don’t wanna become a part of that weak ass past boyfriend fraternity. For example, females always wonder why the basketball wives always bounce back with another balla. It’s because of the company they keep. Dudes see that she associates herself with high quality individuals and believe it or not we appreciate having a girl that other dudes we respect hold with high esteem.

4) Humble

I know this word is gonna ruffle a few feathers, especially from my “Successful Black Females”. To be clear I don’t mean subservient or submissive when I say humble. This is one of those attributes that I really have trouble explaining but it’s so important. I mean humble in interactions with your partner. That kinda “you mean the world to me”  feeling someone can give you by how they act. A lot of prominent women won’t succumb to that sort of attitude, but please believe that us males like to have the comfort of knowing we mean the world to you, also.

5) Loyal

Prove that you can stay instead of proving you will leave.

Just a thought

NPHC is a Step Back

Written By: Vince Jacobs and Taikein Cooper

*Disclaimer* This in no way is a Greek hate entry. I really respect the things the NPHC has done in the past for African Americans and understand the pride members take in their organizations. I respect the process, and all individuals involved. Both of my parents are proud NPHC members (Alabama A&M). When I say PWI throughout this entry I mean major (BCS conference) colleges, not necessarily the literal definition.
                   With that being said, I feel like the NPHC has no place at PWI’s.  I can understand the importance of these organizations on black campuses. From an outside opinion, Greeks, especially at black schools are the elites of their campus. Socially they are the top of the food chain, and the members are from every aspect of campus.  These are racially distinct organizations on racially specific campuses.

This is a different story at PWI’s. In contrast the NPHC at PWI’s is a very isolated part of the community especially among upperclassmen. Compared to HBCU’s where the whole community embraces these organizations. At PWI’s the majority of campus don’t even understand or recognize these groups. The NPHC hasn’t been able to integrate itself into the community at large and that is where it has failed. In order to be associated with this organization you have to essentially isolate yourself from campus, where at an HBCU the campus embraces these organizations as leaders and cornerstones of the community.

 As African Americans have expanded their presence on these major campuses they have decided to bring traditions from HBCU’s with them. Was this really necessary? I agree that we should make sure we have a presence on campus and our culture should be represented, but why would we segregate ourselves. Why not use some of these students to try to diversify some of the more notable campus wide organizations. Where we are truly being seen, heard, and respected by the campus at large. If you want to be a part of an exclusive group why limit yourself to the confines of just the African American campus. Can an organization where only an eighth of the campus would be interested in applying truly be considered “exclusive”? Why not use this opportunity to prove yourself exclusive to the community at large. The neighborhood HBCU down the street is not who you’re competing with. It seems like that’s who we are trying to impress.

When you are accepted into one the top schools in your given state you have already proven your elite status. If you are a student at one these schools you are an elite student, if you are an athlete at one of these schools you are an elite athlete, etc. Being a black student at these Universities already proves that you are elite, you don’t have to separate yourself from the general population to prove that. It’s now time to prove yourself against a larger pond. Being at a PWI gives you a four year head start in assimilating into American culture. This opportunity gives you the chance to understand and succeed at being a minority in a competitive atmosphere. Why waste that chance by joining a segregated group.

NPHC Greeks at PWI’s are not considered elite by their peers. Yes there is a selection process, but when the best of the best don’t apply can the organization really be considered elite. It may be the best of a small clique but not the best of the whole.

@TCOOP32

At the end of the day it comes down to what we value.  My people, value the wrong things.  We value things that in the grand scheme of things mean absolutely nothing in the real world, while our Caucasian counterparts value things that will help them get ahead.  This is why white fraternities and sororities leave their Greek life in college. You will NEVER see a white person with a Greek license plate unless it is Phi Theta Kappa which is the honor society.  We all know that my people throw their respected organization on their license plates cover, while white people put their respected alma maters on theirs.

My problem with NPHC is the same problem I have with HBCUs…they are systematically creating this fantasy world of what the real world looks like.  As an outsider (and correct me if I’m misinformed), it seems that NPHC and HBCUs foster this idea of black independence and isolation from “the man”, but we all know this is untrue in the real world.  The real world is a mirror image of what HBCUs and NPHC promotes. Frankly, I feel that NPHC at PWI’s have an antiquated purpose.  During the 60s and 70s, they played an integral role in inclusion.  In 2011, it’s a means to separate us once again.  Furthermore, if you plan to participate, leave it in college, don’t be strolling in grown folks events!!

Just a Thought

Fear of Diversity.

"We as a people have been exposed to this small box. Your passion and destiny lies in this small box. The reality is that sometimes you miss your passion because you haven’t been exposed to that thing that will spark what it is that you are supposed to be doing." - Jeff Johnson

I know a lot of my blogs have mentioned the idea of exposure, but in the African American community it’s so important, and currently the lack of it has been so detrimental. I honestly may be overestimating the value of exposure but I honestly think it broadens thoughts and expands our ideas.

Since I’ve been back in Charlotte, between school and just catching up with people I’ve had the most random conversations. We always come around to what they are doing now and what they are planning on doing in the future. During those conversations, it’s so apparent how small/large peoples “box of exposure” is. The interesting thing is the size of individuals boxes are not solely based on education. I encountered just as many narrow minded people in Grad school classrooms as I have in the streets of Charlotte. Now-a-days you have just as many rappers coming out Dorm rooms as Project Hall ways. My point is that we as African Americans aren’t using education as an opportunity to expose ourselves to the world at large. As more and more of us fill campuses of higher education, I feel like we are using it as a Handicap. When there was just a few of us we were forced to get out of our comfort zone and expose ourselves to a different demographic. Now many of us waste that opportunity (especially at PWI’s) and concede into our comfort zone.

I know this is getting to be a little race sensitive, but my father, who grew up in rural Mississippi always wanted me to be able to have white friends, have the ability to look at them as associates. He said growing up all he ever knew whites as was in a superior position. Whether it was white teachers in Primary School, White Coaches on his high school team, up to White supervisors at work, the only thing he knew was whites in authority. He said, him and so many of his friends didn’t even really know how to communicate with whites. It was almost a fear they had in general conversation. It wasn’t until my dad was in corporate America, and essentially forced to have these comrades that he was exposed to this new world. I think I get these ideas of diversity from my parents being raised during the civil rights era in Mississippi and Alabama, respectively.

This idea of exposure isn’t reserved only to those brought up during the civil rights south. This discomfort is alive in 2011. I have friends (some college educated) who to this day are uncomfortable talking to even the most pedestrian of white America. I don’t know where this discomfort comes from. I don’t know if it’s an inert fear, or a fear of the unfamiliar, but it’s evident in those who are unexposed.

I apologies for how off topic this became and the rambling that ensued. These are the thoughts that came out and the direction this topic went, lol.

Just a thought.