"I'm a Michelle looking for a Barack" STFU.

This topic stems from an event at UNC back when Solidad Obrian’s “Black in America” CNN special was just coming out. The topic came up at the event about black relationships and how successful blacks were not ending up together and things of that nature. Of course it turned into a nigga bashing event so I had to stand up and give my piece. A quick synopsis of my comments where; most everything males do is to impress women. We pay attention to what women of our community have placed value on and therefore emulate that to impress the women we adore. The problem is the value system in our community. If smarts and education where valued as much as rims and jewelry, what we strived to attain would change.

Of course this comment had many rebuttals, but I wanted to expand on the idea and just put some thoughts out there. I’m sure you can guess what the first rebuttal was (especially at a school like UNC) from the females. “I value education and a smart guy”. Yeah you say that but show something totally different. Yes I do believe that a lot of those females really did have educational achievements somewhere in there list of traits wanted in their ideal man, but at some point they settled. Somewhere along the line they settled for the flash or thug. A lot of girls love to say they are a “Michelle looking for a Barack”. I understand the comparison but what they need to think about is; Did Michelle go through a “thug phase”? HELL NO. Imagine if Michelle would have settled at some point. Do you think Barack would have associated himself w/ that? Another HELL NO.

It may be true, especially for educated women, that they value education and morals to some extent. I do truly believe that. The problem is that too often they settle. You see too many good girls with the bad guys. It may just be the laws of attraction but in our community, in many ways it is what keeps the cycle going. I can almost promise you that if a dude knew that if he dropped out of high school he would neva eva, eva eva end up with a decent woman, think about how motivated he would be to graduate high school. In some parts of society this scenario is true. In some parts of society men know to get the best women they have to be the most accomplished, smartest men in their community. These demands from the women are what drive certain demographics to greatness. The problem is that brothers see that some of the best and brightest girls of our community being coupled with some of the most undeserving dudes change our focus. This leads me to the next rebuttal I’m sure to receive. “Soon as brothers find success they go to white women”. 

That argument is not as much of a color thing as we like to make it. It’s more of a values thing. A larger portion of white women have stayed the course as to presenting a clear picture of what their values are. You want to be where you feel like your assets are appreciated. I want to emphasize that this is not strictly a color thing, there are plenty of black women who have the same mental makeup. I’m sure when Michelle LaVaughn Robinson was walking around Harvard Law it was obvious that “ain’t shit” nigga’s didn’t have a chance with her, and I’m sure Barack noticed that.

Back when I initially made these comments I was shooting myself in the foot, because I was the jock, or the “nigga who was getting girls for shallow reasons”.  In all honestly though I already liked girls who valued different things. Thankfully for me I was attracted to girls who demanded certain qualities. The girl(s) I wanted, I knew wouldn’t have anything to do with me if I wasn’t doing certain things with my life. I know how shallow this is but honestly trying to get this type of woman has been a lot of my motivation because I know without accomplishing certain things I wouldn't have a chance. The sad thing is the opposite is true in a major portion of the African American community. The women they wanted or the women that they are exposed to, have shown a different set of values. My point of this was to tell the sista’s out there, don’t settle. You are somebody’s motivation and don’t motivate him towards the wrong thing.

Just a thought.

Commentary by @tcoop32

It takes a lot to irk me, but the following comment does: “I’m trying to find my Barack Obama”.  This comment typically comes from “successful black women”.  Yeah, the ones that graduated college, have read a few books, and have created this unrealistic ideology of relationships.  It doesn’t annoy me that Barack Obama is the measuring stick for black men in America.  No, I don’t agree with some of his political decisions, but his ascension from a poor black man to becoming the President of the United States is incredible.  However, I think we, both men and women, are missing a quintessential piece.
 
Every female wants a Barack Obama, but they aren’t a Michelle Robinson Obama.  See, Michelle was a good woman.  More so than anything else, she understood the struggle of being a black man in America, and she Barack with all of his imperfections.  She embraced his smoking habits, his financial woes, etc.  She didn’t have a laundry list of prerequisites for him attain before they became involved.  Women our age haven’t quite matured to this level yet.  When they do, I’m sure they will find their Barack.  And by the way, I love Michelle Obama: maybe not personally, but I love the principles that she applies to her love life…