Continuing the conversation….

After reading a lot of the feedback from Plight of "Successful" Black Women I wanted to expand the conversation and kind of touch on some broader points. There are things that are a lot deeper than the points that I touched on in the original that have an impact on the subject. A lot of the female responses centered around expectations. I wanted to touch on that for a second;


I was raised to learn to take a truly realistic assessment of success. When I was a tenth grader and one of the top athletes at my school I thought I was #winning. It wasn’t until my father suggested that I compared myself to all the 10th graders in the state that I began to expect more of myself. The same can be said for many aspects of my life from that point foreword including my women. When you take Jenny from the block and compare her to the whole avenue, only then can you asses her true value. My point is that we need to get out of our narrow confines of relationship comparisons. Venture out of the confines of Reality TV and failed past relationships as your basis for comparison. What does this have to do with dating? Your expectations a lot of time come from your basis of comparison. As the old saying goes “If you know better you do better”. My point is for a lot of people who have this narrow or shallow set of standards it’s because of a narrow pool of comparisons.

Another thing that I heard a lot that had to do with expectations was this superficial set of credentials “successful” females desired from their potential suitors. I hate this idea of I want a man to bring as much to the table as I’m bringing. This whole idea of I make this and I want someone who does as well. WHY? Whatever happened to: I want somebody to bring to the table what I’m lacking, someone who is going to complete my table. No? This has been the thought process of males for centuries. Males, who have traditionally made comparably more than their female counterparts, didn’t go around looking for someone who could match them dollar for dollar. They looked for a compliment to their life not a compliment to their bank account. This has not been the thought process of the new age woman with a sustainable income. A lot of females dream of forming this “power couple”, where they simply contribute checks to the table when there are many entrées left to be desired. When in reality a power couple compliments each other romantically and emotionally and any other monetary contributions would be extra.

Our generation is in transition and having to guess expectations is a part of that challenge. Successful Black females do not have a unified thought process and list of expectations. I’ve noticed that some females want their man to actually make man decision's and hold an authoritative position in the relationship while some females with the same amount of success and prestige, want that position or at least a share of it. That example is an direct representation of the evolving courting process. As I was saying before, the process has evolved because the expectations have changed

Just a thought.