Response to @nelmonroe

*Disclaimer* Before you read this I would like to point you to what I’m responding to. A good friend (@nelmonroe) responded to a post I wrote on @tcoop32 ‘s blog (tcoop32.blogspot.com). You can see her post at her blog (nelmonroe.blogspot.com)


I would like to start by saying I really appreciate the numerous responses both me and @tcoop32 received from the “Plight of the ‘Successful’ Black Woman” blog entry. I am responding to this particular rebuttal because it was the most public of the responses. She made some very valid points and I could sense her passion through the page. I would like to clear up and also respond to some of the topics she brought up.

The number one thing that I noticed about the response is how defensive the tone was. The original entry was in no way an attack on Black Women, successful or otherwise. It was simply an individual’s observations and outlook of the modern dating scene especially among the educated black masses. While some points could be considered controversial, I want to make it clear this in no way was an attack on Black Women at all.

The first point that @nelmonroe made that really struck me, and I wanted to clear up was the idea that the diminishing acts of chivalry are in some way a lack of respect and depreciation for our women. I totally disagree with this. I think it is the opposite. I feel like the absence of those antiquated traditions are the ultimate show of respect. We as a society are clearly showing our recognition for the progress you as a demographic have made. Granted there are other ways us brothers have disrespected our sisters but not opening the door is not one of them. I know this is a lot bigger than the simple act of opening a door. The overall argument was more about the modern day relationship and dating structure. The things that I was arguing were changing, were the things that inevitability were done because you were thought of as inferior. I think it’s a contradiction to your progress to even expect those things. Like I said in the original entry; “The thing about progress is you can’t pick and choose what perks you want to keep.” To sum it up I hope you don’t take the new rules of chivalry as a form of disrespect. It’s a sign of new expectations.

I honestly think you kind of missed my point about the missed opportunities in the education process. I’m happy you mentioned the greek aspect of college culture, and I do plan to expand on that specific topic at a later date. The point wasn’t specifically that these girls should come to school to find a husband. It was more so an observation on how isolated I’ve noticed black females become at these prominent institutions. I don’t know if it’s an extreme focus on academic achievement or merely an inability to socially mingle with a diverse group of people. As an individual you may argue that this is not a problem for you but as a whole this is reality. African American females are the most isolated demographic socially on these campuses. Whether it is an lack of effort on your part or a lack of acceptance from your peers this exile is a reality. I’m a firm believer in that there is just as much value in the culture of these institutions as the actual academics you will learn. My point was just the acknowledgement that African American females haven’t integrated into this culture and are missing a great opportunity. Yes they thrive in their own community but in the campus community at large they are non-existent, and I don’t think there is a realistic rebuttal to that.

Just a Thought.